The 10 Most Smashable Gummies

We all have our weaknesses—vintage Jordans, pumpkin spice, dimples. Me? I’m a gummy guy. In fact, the poundage I’ve devoured over the years should qualify me as the foremost expert on chewable sugar cane. And yet, after all my years of field research and close encounters with pre-diabetes, I’ve never had a way to articulate which gummy is my favorite. Out of my plight was born the Smashability Scale.

The Smashability Scale ranks a gummy by flavor, it’s sweet-to-sour ratio, consistency and chewability, as well as consumption-rate, aka the once-you-pop-you-don’t-stop principle. The cumulative score predicts just how likely one is to sit and smash an entire bag. Each category is scored from one to five, five being top marks and one falling short in some way. Before jumping to the list, it is important to note that these gummies are truly in a league of their own, and even those with lower Smashability scores are supremely delectable and dangerously addictive.

Hi-Chew

Hi-Chew, individually packed in what might be the least effective diabetes prevention ever, brings a blast of flavor from the East. Rightfully Japan’s number one chewlet, Hi-Chew has potent and accurate flavor. Though this delicious chew has quickly detectable artificial undertones. Despite that fact, the amount of wrappers you will leave in your wake will disgust you in the best way.

Flavor: 5

Sweet/Sour Ratio: 2

Consistency: 3

Artificial Undertones: 1

Consumption-Rate: 4

Twizzlers

Normally, I find the combination of cherry and lemon as palate friendly as peanut butter and salsa, but somehow Twizzlers makes it work with juice-filled bites. No matter how you snack on these, you are unlikely to leave the bag unfinished. Go ahead, squeeze out the filling or smush a handful into some kind of gummy wizard staff. It’s not that weird.

Flavor: 3

Sweet/Sour Ratio: 3

Consistency: 3

Artificial Undertones: 1

Consumption-Rate: 4

AirHeads

Xtremes are sour. A good sour. The kickstart your t-buds sour. Like a good hair pull, it’s rough, but you kind of like it. Although, I have to add marks in the consumption-rate and artificial undertones. Too many Xtremes will leave your jaw tired and tongue raw.

Flavor: 3

Sweet/Sour Ratio: 4

Consistency: 3

Artificial Undertones: 1

Consumption-Rate: 2

SweetTarts

Misfits

Twosomes

Bites

Sour Patch

Trolli

Worms, bears, octopuses—gummies come in all shapes. For SweetTarts, it’s cherry punch clogged arteries that lead straight to the heart. A fun little note, each rope clocks in at exactly 90 calories. It’s sure to help ease your conscious as you lick the wrapper clean.

Flavor: 4

Sweet/Sour Ratio: 2

Consistency: 4

Artificial Undertones: 3

Consumption-Rate: 5

Jolly Rancher misfits fuse the best of the brand’s flagship flavors into a combination worth the ensuing stomach ache. About the size of a quarter, each misfit combo is testament of gummy innovation. Size, flavor, and texture in perfect proportion. Although a tad on the sweet side, they are tough not to smash.

Flavor: 4

Sweet/Sour Ratio: 1

Consistency: 5

Artificial Undertones: 3

Consumption-Rate: 3

A true accomplishment of sugar and sweet, Jolly Rancher bites are exquisite. One of the few orange flavored gummies I’ve ever tolerated, let alone enjoyed. Smushing these guys between the fingers is sticky mischief. And if playing with your gummies is bad, I don’t want to be right!

Flavor: 5

Sweet/Sour Ratio: 4

Consistency: 4

Artificial Undertones: 5

Consumption-Rate: 4

A true accomplishment of sugar and sweet, Jolly Rancher bites are exquisite. One of the few orange flavored gummies I’ve ever tolerated, let alone enjoyed. Smushing these guys between the fingers is sticky mischief. And if playing with your gummies is bad, I don’t want to be right!

Flavor: 5

Sweet/Sour Ratio: 4

Consistency: 4

Artificial Undertones: 5

Consumption-Rate: 4

Sour Patch Kids, or SPKs to the patch purists, are true to their tagline —a sour primer chased by a sweet hug to the tongue. Although, if you’ve smashed as many SPKs as I have, you’ll have experienced the Patch Pack Phenomena. In short, the PPP states that no pack is the same. Some bags are absolute perfection and others are a bit soft or have an artificial note that reminds you that these kids were birthed in a lab. That said, few things in this world compare to an SPK on a good day.

Flavor: 5

Sweet/Sour Ratio: 5

Consistency: 4

Artificial Undertones: 4

Consumption-Rate: 5

All hail Trolli, the king of gummies. Trolli sits atop the gummy throne and rule the land with its bag of faux crawlers. Compared to Trolli’s more mainstream gummies, (Brite Crawlers, Peachie Os, etc.— which are a bit sweet and gritty in my opinion), Twisted Crawlers are perfection on all fronts. To add perspective, Brite Crawlers to Twisted Crawlers is like comparing a Hot Pocket to beluga caviar. I can confidently say that I have yet to open a bag of these and not finish it in one sitting. 5 out of 5 smashable. 10 out of 10 would recommend.

Flavor: 5

Sweet/Sour Ratio: 5

Consistency: 5

Artificial Undertones: 4

Consumption-Rate: 5